Ok so where did we leave off, Oh yes sex.

So I wasnt done, I had become this hungry for sex individual, I kept at it trying to find someone as good as him, or I guess someone to feel whatever void I had. There wasn't many more , 2 to be exact..and lets just say it was just so so...more like fillers. 

I remember driving home one day from just being out running earns and thinking to myself....Wow this is getting really boring...Boring?????????????

I was doing this because I was bored???? and you now what, I think it was because of that.  This running around, sneaking around was easier then I thought, so the thrill was gone. The guys were not much different then the man I had at home so the sex was out.  So WTF??

What's next, I played it cool for a while, kept talking to my "friends" some wanted more, some I new just wanted ass but I never gave in, It in some way it made me annoyed, Like "stop asking already I was suppose to be the one asking for it not u...now your just buggin me".

What a turn off, the whole guy wanted me. It began to drive me nuts.  It started to feel like work instead of fun...yuck!!!

All was good for awhile I stayed near to home and to myself, figured damn if I cant get the guy to please me then I might as well take matters into my own hands...plus I was much better at it anyways..hahaha

Then one night at a fun fun fun party there he was the awesome lover that broke my heart, he walked in and did his rounds of hellos and sat next to me..like nothing had ever happen.  I thought for sure I was going to have a racing heart and burning eyes of anger...But nothing, nothing at all.  We sat next to each other, enjoyed the party, drank and with a whisper in my ear he made it very clear he wanted me to leave with him that night.

WOW!!!!!  This is what I wanted right, all those night of crying over him, the missing of the incredible sex...it was all coming back to me.  But I didn't want it, I wasn't even feelin it.  I couldn't believe this guy after all what happen he was so sure that I was going to fuck him that night.  Sure I was drunk, but man that night I sure had some good judgement.

It got later and later, and he could see that these other guys were flirting with me and he felt the pressure and was trying to leave and have me follow..no luck I stayed and didn't follow threw with what he wanted...Yeah me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I felt free for the first time...I didn't need a man to make me feel good, wanted or pleased..I was very capable of doing that myself.  So as days go on, and I still have some of my "friends" calling me or wanting to hook up, I brush them off and look at the man that I have shared so many years with and realize , do I really need all this extra activity..was I really thinking that I was going to find true love with a fuck buddy..No of course not.

Now how do I get out of my naughty ways and find happiness close to home with the 1 I share my bed with??????????????????

I went back...I had to.

I knew that this must of just been a fluke..first time jitters..something because all i knew is that i really wanted my fantasy to happen, and i figured the lest i could do was give him another opportunity to redeem his self.

Well 2nd and 3rd time a little better , but it was the forth that did it for me. The place was different, the mood was different by now months have passed and more conversations took place.  More insight to what i was looking for and his willingness to please me was genuine. He knew my situation and he wanted to be my outlet to sex, give me what i was missing, so this time it was above and beyond my imagination.

With every kiss, every touch and look..it felt good.  As i laid there on the bed nothing ran threw my head, not my man, my kids, not my life ...just the pure pleasure of feeling this man on me.  With every touch of his hand on my skin i could feel myself breathe heavier and heavier. The sex was all i wanted and he gave it to me, not me having to give it to him...I was the queen here and he took care of my needs 1st and foremost.  After the first session i laid there in his arms, my head on his chest and he ran his fingers threw my hair, I could feel my eyes close and feel total relaxation.  We went again and if i thought the first time was great i was a fool because the 2nd was crazy , hott, wonderful....just like i had been always imagining.

Finally i felt like it was what i wanted, what I was missing from my life.  But now what???

What comes next I thought to myself on the drive home, now that I finally had what I had been seeking was I done.  Did I get it out of my system, was I now able to go home and be a good wife and mother since I had my needs meet. He was not the only one durnning this time. I had one other, nothing special really he was a waste of time.  My thought was scarring me, was I become a compulsive cheater.  If I wasn't having sex with these guys, I had others I talked to, flirt with..I was acting like i wasn't even married...But the attention was luring, it took me and made me feel good that I was on someone elses mind.

Did I want to stop????

Then I meet him...the ONE, the one that not only gave me the most amazing sex ever but also hurt me at the same time....I let my emotions get involved and thats where i messed up big time!!!!

I remember that day that I decided I was going to do it.

The rush, the excitement , but fear of the total unknown. But all i knew is that I needed to find out if sex was what i truly was missing from this 8+ yr marriage.

Of course sex was a easy accessible thing with my man, but if you call layin there waiting for him to cum, or pretending that your moans and  screams are as good as they sound good sex then I feel sorry for you. What happen to the feeling of when you see your partner and your heart races, you get this feeling inside you that makes you want to jump his bones and have hott sex..why does that go away with years that pass and after kids????

I'm not saying that i have been this constant sex machine but damn it I have needs..i want this man to come home see me and think " damn i'm going to give her the best sex tonight". I want my hair pulled and some ass slapping...come on people do act like u to are not a freak in the bedroom..WE ALL ARE. we just need to let it out.  Embrace sex, have fun with it because in all reality it is a very important part in a relationship, and even though normally its the man who goes astray i'm sure i'm not the only woman out there who has had these same issues.

So all this lack of attention, pleasure and embrace lead me to another. No one special just  a "subject" so to say. A person to use to see if i could actually go threw with it, have a sexual experience with another then my spouse. We talked and flirted and came to the agreement that what was about to happen was clearly sex..no emotions, not ties, just plain sex. One person pleasing the other. Maybe i figured if i seen it that way then i wouldn't be cheating fully because my emotions where in check and i was clearly just receiving a services from this individual..my goodness it sounds like i was about to get a oil change..ha ha But it was like that, just like the places your drive up wait in ur car while they change ur oil and lube it and before you know it your on your way running the next earn on you list......